I Choose To Be Right Here

Sunday, January 20, 2019

On January 7th I walked back into the classroom following Christmas break.  I spent the entire week in the classroom where I have a real swell view from the back of the room.  On either Saturday January 12th or Sunday January 13th I should have written my next blog.  I actually started the blog on Sunday the 13th by pulling out my cellphone to review the notes I made that reminds me what to write about.  When I opened the notes section on the cellphone there were no notes.  Nothing, zero, nada and after almost five years that was a first.

On Monday, November 14th, I walked into the classroom and T4 mentioned that she did not receive a letter from me over the weekend.  I told her that I had nothing to write about.  As we were talking OtherT4 walked into the room and spoke to T4 about a case conference that she had attended with a parental unit of one of her OtherT4-M's.    As the conversation continued I thought to myself, "the scholar said what."  Because I was late entering the notes of this conversation into my cellphone I'll be paraphrasing and, again, I don't make this stuff up.

A little background on OtherT4-M.  He is the scholar that I talked about way back at the beginning of the school year.  So far behind academically that he prints his name in the same fashion as a kindergarten student.  So far behind academically that he struggles doing simple addition.  This is a scholar that, if not watched closely as he transitions between the fourth grade classrooms will just wander off and hide in the restroom or will just sit in an out of the way corner.  He will also do the same as he transitions to the various specials classes.  Although this may seem that I am piling on this young scholar I can add this statement with a great deal of certainty, he has never started and completed a worksheet during this school year.

At some point during the case conference it was mentioned that OtherT4-M was showing improvement in not wandering off from the classroom.  The parental unit viewed this as progress.  Then the scholar, paraphrasing, said, "I have a Fitbit with GPS that keeps me in the classroom."  Although I wasn't in the room I sure wish I could have been there when OtherT4-M mentioned his Fitbit with GPS. I can only imagine the facial expressions of the adults in the room that know this scholar.  As the case conference continue, OtherT-4M came up this these two gems.  "I ride an electric scooter to school," and "I have my own elevator pass."  Lies, lies, lies, and the reaction from the parental unit was little if anything.  Here is the part that scares me.  If, sorry, when this young scholar does poorly on the upcoming state mandated ILEARN test the people involved in the testing could think this is a teacher problem and not a scholar problem.

If you have been following along for a while I'm certain you have heard me say, "I don't have to be here, I choose to be here" when talking about my involvement with this school.  On Tuesday of this past week I heard the words, "I choose to be here," and they didn't come from my mouth.  I was returning to T4's classroom when I found T4-F hiding in a corner off the second floor hallway.  When I approached her I asked her, "where are you supposed to be?"  Her response, "I choose to be right here."  "I didn't ask you where you chose to be I asked you where your are suppose to be.  Now, you need to move along and return to T4's classroom."  "No, I'm not moving."  As a volunteer I knew right away that I needed to be careful as I no longer have my blue Crisis Prevention and Intervention (CPI) card in my wallet and that pretty much leaves me at the mercy of this defiant scholar.  Fortunately, I caught a huge break as I saw FBG, who deals with these types of behavioral issues all day long, and I got his attention.  I explained what was going to FBG and then continued on my way.  A short while later other T4-F, moving at her usual snails pace. was directed into the classroom by FBG.

I've dealt with a lot of parental units over my six and one half years at this school.  Some of these parental units I label as piss poor parents, others that I know are really trying and I feel real bad for them when their scholar acts up.  Here is a story of a parental unit that is really trying and when I encounter her this past week I was at a loss for words to say to her.

Tourette is a former scholar that I've known since he was in the first grade.  This young scholar has issues, serious anger control issues.  Tourette is now in the fifth grade and he still has anger issue that are so bad he only goes to school for half of the day.  Tourette has a younger sibling in the school, I'm guessing second grade, with clear indications that he has the same anger issues as Tourette.

My day was over and I was cutting through the main office on my way to my car.  When I I entered the office area I heard someone crying.  Normally when you hear crying in the main office it is a scholar who is in trouble and is waiting to have a chat with either the BigB#4 or LittleBigB#2.  This time, I shortly discovered, it was not a scholar, it was and adult.  As I continued on through the office the crying got a little louder and then I saw the adult.  She was sitting in a chair directly across from the school's Administrative Czar.  She was bent over with her elbows on her knees, her hands covering her face, and she was crying.  On the floor near her was Tourette's brother rolling around on the floor and refusing to go home.  Like Tourette, this sibling just goes to school half of the day. Like Tourette can get, this sibling was in one of his defiant moods and on this particular day the parental unit, when picking up her grand children, just couldn't control herself and literally broke down crying right there in the main office of the school.  That is tough to watch.  That is even tougher to watch when you have known the parental unit for three years and you know, despite the disaster she has been placed in, she really tries to do the right thing.

I have more cellphone notes. One is regarding the timed multiplication/division tests that the scholars are now taking twice a week.  Another note is just three words long, "I Don't Matter."  This note brings a smile to my face as T4 suggested that I use "I Don't Matter" as the title for one of my blog posts.  I also have these three notes; kindness, social-emotional learning and brain aligned and trauma responsive instruction whatever that means but I'm stopping and I'll tell you why.  I'm sitting at my kitchen table looking out the window at a frigid, ground covered with snow day, that has a bright sunshine despite the temperature and here is all I can see, Tourette's parental unit, his grandmother, sitting in a chair with her elbows on her knees her hands covering her face and she is crying.  This grandmother has had a nightmare dropped in her lap and I can't get it out of my mind so I'm stopping.