I've been back in the classroom for a week now as spring break is over. Prior to spring break our third and fourth grade scholars completed the first round of mandatory statewide ISTEP testing. I'll address the testing process shortly but first I have to mention a text message I received on Easter Monday while sitting in the classroom enjoying my view from the back of the room. I carry a cellphone in my front left pocket but rarely use it. If it vibrates I'll take a quick look at it and if it is not school business I ignore the call. The cellphone rarely vibrates but when it does it's either Gnu or Oreo texting me about a classroom issue when I'm out of the classroom. So you know, if my cellphone vibrates and it's either Gnu or Oreo, it's usually bad news and I'm moving quickly back to the classroom. Well, on Easter Monday the cellphone started vibrating while I was in the classroom so I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that it was a text message from my part time editor, part time consultant and full time spouse so I take a look at the message. "I hope you don't kill me but I just made vacation reservations to go to Glacier National Park." "Oh, we'll be traveling round trip by train." For those of you that are not aware, Glacier National Park is approximately 1,600 miles from Indianapolis. Because I was in the classroom I just put the cellphone back in my pocket and went back to work. During my lunch break I finally realized what just happened and I'm thinking that is a pretty slick plan. Tell him we are going on a 3,200 mile train ride while he is in the classroom and can't say a word until he arrives home over four hours later. That should give him plenty of time to buy into the idea. That's slick, very slick.
We caught a bit of a break during the first round of ISTEP testing as our third and fourth grade scholars could take the test in the classroom. This came about because computers were not needed as test booklets were being used. With this home field advantage (in the classroom as opposed to a computer lab) Gnu and I felt this could give our scholars a bit of an edge. We just had to overcome two obstacles before the testing could start. Oreo solved our biggest obstacle and took both the second and third grade scholars to her office while the testing was taking place. Our second obstacle was overcome by using old newspapers and scotch tape. Prior to taking the ISTEP test anything that can even remotely look like something academics in the classroom had to be covered up. This even included the calendar that is on the wall and the letters of the alphabet that are hung above the whiteboard in the front of the classroom. Why are we doing this? Because politicians and pointy headed intellectuals think having items such as these visible in the classroom would allow a scholar to cheat and get a better score on the ISTEP test and we sure as hell can't have that happen.
Wide and The Collector, our fourth grade scholars, were first to take the ISTEP test. It was a language arts test that had a thirty minute time limit. Because of the challenges our scholars face in their lives they are give time and a half or an additional fifteen minutes to complete the test. I should also note that Gnu and I were not allowed in any way, shape or form to help the scholars. They had to do this on their own. The test involved reading a fairly short passage and then answer some questions. I was sitting by Wide and Gnu was with The Collector. Wide got off to a pretty good start and was writing a response to the first question. I could look over his shoulder and see that he was on the right track. The few times that I looked in the director of The Collector he was writing up a storm. I don't know if what he was writing had anything at all to do with the passage he just read be he was writing. Back to Wide and he is erasing everything he wrote. Why? He didn't like the way he wrote it. So you know, Wide has a bit of an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and he probably erases more than all of the other scholars in our classroom combined. I'm good with neatness but keep in mind we are on the clock. Finally, he completes the first question and moves on to question number two. As he is reading he looks over at me and points to a word. "Mr. Schultz, I don't know what that word means." I glanced at his test booklet and see the word. "I'm sorry Wide but the rules state that I can't help you." "But Mr. Schultz, I don't know what that word means." Although there is time on the clock the test for Wide is over. He would not go any further until he figured out what that word meant. The Collector is finished and Gnu is observing. You could tell by the look on her faced she was stressed. She calmly mentions to Wide that he has to move on as time is running out. No deal, nothing moves until he figures out what that word means. A couple minutes before his time expired Wide walked up to Gnu and turned in his paper. After writing a pretty decent answer to the first question Wide will fail the test because he didn't answer the remaining questions. The second question read something like this. Write about what would changed in the story if the plot changed and read like this. The word that Wide did not recognize was plot. A stinking four letter word and I couldn't help him. A stinking four letter word that caused him to fail the test and in doing so has the potential to put Gnu's job in jeopardy. A stinking four letter word that politicians and pointy headed intellectuals think is so important that they'd rather see a scholar fail a test rather than give him the definition of the word.
This post is getting rather long but I'd like to talk a bit about EM our third grade scholar and how he did on the language arts portion of ISTEP. It will be brief because as you know he can't read. Gnu decided that I'd give the test to EM as I work with him a lot more that she does. When EM sat next to me I went over the instructions and then placed the booklet in front of him and pointed to where he was supposed to start reading. He looked up at me and said, "Mr. Schultz can you read it to me?" "I'm sorry EM but not this time." He then folded his arms and laid them on my desk. He then rested his forehead on his arms and started to cry. That was a very difficult moment for me and I worked real hard to keep my emotions under control. Like Wide, EM will fail this portion of ISTEP and again Gnu's teaching ability may be questioned.
Welcome to mandatory statewide testing in Indiana where if you can read or not you are going to take this test as there are no exceptions. Welcome to statewide testing in Indiana where if you don't know the definition of a word too bad. Welcome to an educational environment brought to us by politicians and pointy headed intellectuals.
That's it. I'm out. Thanks again for reading my blog.
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