Dear Parental Unit What The Hell Were You Thinking #3

I haven't done one of these in quite a while so here we go.  Keep in mind I don't make this stuff up.

1. Dear parental unit your scholar came to school today and he was real excited and wanted to ask me a question.  When I spoke to him he asked me if I knew what a machete was.  I said yes.  He then proceeded to tell me that he had a real full sized machete and was out chopping up pumpkins with it.  Dear parental unit are you even aware that your scholar, who has anger control issues, is playing with a full sized machete?
2. Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar arrived at school today with two extra large Hersey chocolate candy bars.  As he entered the room he had already consumed half of one of them.  Dear parental unit should I take the candy away from he or just continue to let him eat the breakfast you prepared for him.
3. Dear parental unit your scholar arrived at school today with a stuffed frog that measured approximately twelve inches wide and eighteen inches high.  Dear parental unit if your scholar told you the teacher said it was ok to bring it to school your scholar is lying.
4. Dear parental unit your scholar arrived at school today with six one liter bottles of water in his backpack.  Dear parental unit I'm going to tell you how you can save your money for something more important than a grossly over priced bottle of water.  We have a drinking fountain in our classroom.
5. Dear parental unit are your aware that your scholar walked into the classroom at 9:00am and had already consumed a half of a medium sized bag of Nacho chips.
6. Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar took a $5.00 bill out of his pocket this morning and showed it to me.  Dear parental unit your scholar has been in the classroom with me for two school years and never once did he arrive at school with even a penny in his pocket.
7. Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar arrived at school today with a remote control car in his backpack.  Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar got very upset because I wouldn't let him take it out into the hallway and drive it around because the hallways were crowded with students.
8. Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar arrived at school today with a squirt gun and a pocket knife in his backpack.
9. Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar arrived at school today wearing only a sweat shirt and shorts when the outdoor temperature was nineteen degrees.
10. Dear parental unit are you aware that your scholar arrived at school today with a stuffed monkey and one of your bed sheets in his backpack.  Dear parental unit just so you know our timeout room is not available today because your scholar has it set up as a bedroom for his pet monkey that is now sleeping on the floor in your bedsheet.
11. Dear parental unit your scholar was suspended from the bus today for inappropriate behavior.  That means you will have to drive him to school tomorrow.  Dear Mr. S, I'm sorry but I made plans for the day so my scholar will not be at school.

Dear parental unit do you even bother to get up out of bed in the morning to see what your scholar is putting in her/his backpack or are you just plain ignorant.