From the very beginning of my blog I wanted to share with anyone willing to take the time to read what I wrote true events that I've observed from my view at the back of the room. Some of the events have been funny to write about some have been frustrating and some have been pretty sad. The event I'm about to tell you about happened due to just plain stupidity. On Monday at approximately 11:15am I hit the window in our time out room so hard with my hand that I cracked the glass. Fortunately this is a wire meshed glass so pieces of glass didn't go flying every. As soon as I saw the glass crack I thought to myself why and the hell did you do something so stupid. BaseG was out of the room doing ISTEP testing and one of our scholars got upset about doing academic work and lost his temper. The scholar entered the room himself but because he was so angry I decided to block the door so he couldn't just walk out as he is prone to kicking chairs, knocking over desks and has sent chairs and other objects flying across the room. Once he realized I was blocking the door he started kicking the door very aggressively and then switched his attention to the window and just started pounding on it. I stepped from the door and looked through the window at him and he said a couple of choice words to me and my response was to hit the window myself.
I'm an adult and I lost my composure. I let a fourth grade scholar get to me. That is not supposed to happen. A couple minutes later BaseG walked into the room and I showed him the glass and told him I was the one that broke it. I felt terrible and remember telling him it was time for me to go. My memory is drawing a blank on what happened next but BaseG had to continue testing and I stayed the room with the other scholars. I was sitting at my desk when PhD? Sparty entered the room and I informed her of my stupidity. I'm not sure what we talked about but she got up and got a box of tissue and sat it in front of me. A little while later BaseG returned and he told me the Big B was aware. I then left to speak to her. When I entered her office I had my room key and ID badge in my hand and placed them on her desk. She said to me you are not doing this now are you. And then she said something to me she has never said in my two years at the school as she address me by my first named. Allan you are too good with those kids and you are valuable to this school. You made a mistake. You don't think I make mistakes. You don't think I don't regret saying something to a member of my staff when things don't go well. You made a mistake and that's it.
I picked up my key and ID badge and returned to the classroom. It was time to take the scholars to PE. BaseG told me to stay in the room as he'd take them. I said to him that I needed to leave and picked up my lunch and was heading out the door. PhD? Sparty was still in the room and I asked her if I could speak to her. She agreed and we were heading for the door. Again I can't recall what was said except for this part as I told her that the Big B said I'm good with these scholars. Her response was you are. I then looked at her and said I'll see you tomorrow. While in the car I got a text message but I ignored it until I got home. It was from BaseG informing we that we both work in a stressful situation. He also commented on how good I was with the scholars and even more important was how much he appreciated me being in the classroom with him.
That evening at home was tough. I explained to my wife what happened and then for the remainder of the evening I remained silent. What were you thinking that caused you to do something so stupid?
When I walked into the classroom the next morning BaseG said to me I didn't think I'd see you again. A little while later PhD? Sparty entered the room. I again said to her something about my stupid actions. She then said something to me that I will remember for a long time. In fact I wrote it down on a 3x5 card and I have it in my hand right now. "It's not stupid. It's a human error." I don't know how long it took her to come up with that statement but it was my life line. It kept me afloat.
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